bigcoolguy.com

We drove from Canberra to Sydney and back again today. I did 3 out of the 4 legs and found myself continually astounded by the number of bad drivers I encountered. It was very frustrating. Therefore, I'm going to give the world some driving tips.

However, first let me share a couple of things...

• These days my attitude towards driving is similar to my attitude towards business travel. It is necessary but I don't enjoy it anymore. In fact, most of my reason for not enjoying driving is the sheer number of idiots on the road.
• When driving long distances I use cruise control. This means I'm not concerned with the speed I'm doing and can concentrate more on the other important driving tasks. It also means that I drive at a constant speed. I set my speed according to the speed shown on my car's climate control system when it is in diagnostic mode. Although the speedometer reads significantly higher, we've verified on several occasions that the speedometer shows an inflated speed and that the speed shown by the diagnostic system is more correct.

Now for the tips:

• When I'm in the fast lane overtaking, there's no point flying up behind me in an aggressive manner and trying to make me move in front of a car I'm passing before I'm ready. Before pulling out I will have checked that I won't annoy anyone doing a reasonable speed. If I wind up annoying you then you're doing an unreasonable speed. Wake up to yourself before you kill someone.
• When I finish overtaking one or more cars I like to leave enough room in front of them before moving back into the slow lane to avoid scaring the crap out of the driver of the last car I passed. I have this way of deciding if I'm leaving enough room: I make sure that I can see both of the headlights of the front car I've passed before moving in front of that car. This means I usually don't need to turn my head to check. It also means that I allow more room for really big, dangerous things like trucks. If you're the person I saw today driving the very small car that pulled in front of a truck leaving only about 1 car length then I have a message for you: if you brake suddenly then you're dead...
• If I pull out to overtake you, I pull back in behind you, I pull out again, I pull back in behind you, rinse and repeat... it does not mean I'm an irresponsible mad lane changing nutter. It is because you're not driving at a constant speed. You're driving slowly when I'm behind you and speeding up when I pull out to overtake. This should cause you to think about your speed. Have you considered using cruise control? Have you considered letting someone else do the driving? How about catching a bus?
• If you've been sitting 20m behind me in the fast lane for the last 2 or 3 minutes, while I've been sitting in the slow lane, and then we come across a slower vehicle then you shouldn't decide that now is the time to overtake both of us. You should have passed me fairly quickly after moving out from behind me and into the overtaking lane. Oh, you didn't pull out from behind me but have been in that lane for the last 20 minutes and you think you own it? OK, that's different: you're an idiot.
• If I pull out to overtake you then it is because, while doing a constant speed, I have caught up to you and now wish to pass you. I will do it fairly quickly unless you make things fairly difficult by continuously varying your speed. If I'm out there for so long that you come up behind another car that you need to overtake then you're doing something wrong. When I pulled out I thought about exactly that and applied due consideration. Therefore, I reserve the right to accelerate past you so that I don't have to sit behind you when you decide to sit next to that truck for 5 minutes. Note that if I think I have made an error of judgement, or perhaps you have only annoyed me once by varying your speed, I might also pull back to give you room to go first. I'm a reasonable person.
• Just because I no longer enjoy driving that doesn't mean that I think you're not allowed to. However, if you're a motor racing fan you should remember that compared to your favourite driver you're probably crap and that you're driving on a road that you're sharing with other people.
• Finally, if you're passing me and you notice me shaking my head at you, it isn't because I have a neck twitch or I'm in violent disagreement with something my wife has said. It is because you've done something stupid and you are an idiot. You've possibly put my family's life at risk. Grow up.

Right, now that you have some clues on driving, how about being less annoying next time?